Pain and Panics Past(and possibly Hades too)

[hadesxspongebob]

There's another rp site that I'm on often, and there I play as Hades, Pain and Panic. ( the link is disneyglobe.proboards102.com/index.cgi, feel free to check it out)and there I created the history of Pain and Panic......and I'm working on one for Hades. I wanted to show all you guys, so here's the one for P and P.


Pain and Panic were sitting on a bench, bored, just kinda looking around. They had no idea where Hades was. Panic looked over at Pain, then at the sky, then back to Pain. Pain, sky, Pain, sky, Pain, sky. Pain saw him doing that, and turned around. "What's wrong?" he said to Panic. Panic shrugged. Sky, Pain, sky, Pain. "I was just wonderin'....about....before." "Before?" "Yeah....ya know.....before." Pain blinked. "Before what??" Panic stopped looking between him and the sky, and faced Pain. "Before we met Hades......." he said. Pain scrunched up his face. "Hm....well...I...I don't.....remember....I...hmm!" he said, thinking hard. Panic sat back, hard. "See? I can't remember before either!" Pain realized something then. "Panic.....I don;t think there WAS a before!" Panic stared at Pain. "Ya think?"

"He's right, ya know." said Hades appearing behind the bench. Pain and Panic both jumped. "Hades!" they yelped. Hades rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, save it.....BUT...I did happen to hear...you two...wonderin' bout yer past..." Panic shrunk back a little and nodded. "Would ya believe I happen to know a lot about that?" Pain stared up at him. "You DO?!?" he exclaimed, looking excitedly at Panic, who nodded rapidly. "I DO....." said Hades, swirling around so he was in front of them. "See, now, this happened when I was, hmm, lessee, ya know, just starting at the job, few months whatev. An' it was the time I was startin' to hate it down there. So, this was waaay back then, I only got Charon, ya know the boat rower/driver whatever, I didn't even know the fates! Yet.....Ok, so anyway....so I'm in my throne room....relaxin' thinkin', Hmm.....maybe I should try to overthrow Olympus! and then Charon comes in, no, he RUNS in, and he goes, Hades Hades! Ya gotta see this! Someone left this in my boat when I was on break! I almost stepped on him! And I'm like, Lemme see that, and he hands a lil' basket to me, and I look in, and whaddya know, there's Panic."

Panic beamed, and turned to Pain, "I became a minion before you did!" Hades sighed, "Actually....ya didn't." "Huh?" "What about me, Hades?" said Pain, hopefully. "Found you an hour later, same way." "Ooo...." said Pain. "See, what happened was, we weren't sure what ta do with you two......so, we just dumped ya in a spare room, locked the doors, closed the windows. Ya guys spent almost a year in there....and I guess that's when you became 'best friends'.....We were just gonna keep ya in there, but it got too much. Ya know, with the crying, and the feeding....and don't get me started on diapers..." He shuddered. Pain and Panic looked up at him incredously. "YOU changed our diapers?!?!" they said together. Hades gave them a Look. "Ha ha....yeah, as IF. I got Charon to do it." "Oh...." "So then we took you two out, and we kinda held a two-person meeting 'bout what to do with you. Charon wanted to throw you in the Styx, and hey, I was all for it, but the Fates appeared then, said all this nonsense 'bout how you two would be 'a great help' to me in the future. Then they disappeared, POP, all gone, and Charon still wants to dump you two in the Styx, and I stopped him. I said that I was gonna keep you two.....maybe the fates were right. I said to him, Ya know.....I think they have potential...." Hades looked down at them with disgust. "Evidently....I was wrong....." Pain and Panic smiled at him. "Aw, boss, that's so sweet! I didn't think you were capable of such love and compassss........." Panic's voice trailed off as he saw Hades staring down dangerously at him. "Finish that sentence, and I tear you a new belly button!" snarled Hades. Panic gulped. "Um.....um..never mind...."




THE END


let me know what you think, ok? if you want, ill post the one for hades.

[sereneflower]

aww, cute!! sure, i'd love to see one for hades.

[hadesxspongebob]

ok, ill post the first part......

here it is (i did this in an entirely different way)

Hades *sitting on black throne and seeing Pain and Panic walk in*-- What do you two want?! Can't you see I'm busy?!?

Pain *twisting tail*--Um....busy...doing...what, exactly?

Hades-- None of yer @%^* business!!

Panic *wincing*-- Um....ok, boss. But we just wanted to know-

Hades-- What!?!?!

Pain *swallowing hard*-- Er...maybe...this isn't the best time....

Hades *jumping out of chair and bursting into flames*-- ARRGH! WHAT DO YOU TWO IDIOTS WANT?!?!?!?

Panic *glancing nervously at Pain*-- We just wanted to know.....about...about your childhood! *both fall to floor, cowering in fear*

Hades *confused*-- Well.....THAT was random....

Pain *standing up*-- You're not....mad?!?!

Hades-- I am....you just can't tell......why do you care about 'my childhood'?!

Panic-- We were just....curious, boss.....

Hades *annoyed*-- Go be curious somewhere else.

Panic-- Sir, we just wanted to know--

Hades *getting extremely agitated*-- Pick up a mythology book then! Its written everywhere, JEEZ!

*awkward silence*

Hades-- Oh, right....ya can't read....

Pain-- Besides, you know those stupid things never tell the truth...I mean all that stuff about Zeus cheating on Hera with mortals.......and goddesses....? Such lies.....

Hades *thoughtful*-- I dunno, that version just might be more realistic then ya think....besides, I think I like that Zeus better...

Panic-- Are ya gonna tell us anything, or not? 'Cuz we'll just leave.....

*Him and Pain go to leave*

Hades *big sigh*-- Ya know, I was swallowed alive when I was born....

*both freeze*

Pain-- Wh-what?!?!

Hades-- I SAID I was swallowed alive when I was born....listen, I don't tell people these things often, can ya pay attention?! You asked me, anyway.....

Panic-- Oh, no, boss we heard you, we just weren't sure....you were...actually...being...

Hades-- Don't finish that sentence.....

Panic-- O-ok, boss.....

Pain-- You were swallowed alive?!?! *whispering to Panic* No wonder he's such a villain...

Hades *flaring up*-- I can HEAR YOU ya know!!!!

Pain and Panic-- Sorry, boss!

Hades-- Do you wanna know or not? I'm busy, I don't have to waste my time with YOU two....

Pain-- Oh, no, we're listening boss...

*they turn into psychologists*

Hades *staring at them*-- Don't......even....

*they turn back*

Panic-- Ok, boss.....

Pain-- Hades? Sir? We're all ears....you can...start telling us...things......

[sereneflower]

nice!! i can't wait to see more!! i like the play format, its cool! update soon!

btw, just read your username XD

[hadesxspongebob]

alright, here's the next part--

Hades-- Ok.... where do you two want me to start?

Panic *to Pain*-- I can't believe he's actually opening up to
us!

Pain *to Panic*-- Well, maybe he's drunk?

*They look up and see Hades staring angrily at them*

Panic-- Um, boss, maybe we should start with....with...well, who were your parents?

Hades-- Cronus and Rhea. Jeez, you two are stupider then I thought, everyone in GREECE knows that!!!

Pain and Panic-- Not us!

Hades-- Oy Vey...

Pain-- Ok, sir, that's good! So what happened?

Hades-- And why do ya want to know this again?

Panic-- Just curious, sir.

Hades-- Idiots. Whatever.....see, now, they were Titans. Ya know, big, scary, ooga booga whatever? They fell in love, yada yada, birds and bees, what do ya know, along comes Zeus. Dad, see, few years back, he hears this *^%$&% prophecy and learns that one of his kids shall overthrow him, whoo. K? So he plans on swallowing us alive when we were born. He didswallow Zeus, just dosen't say that in the book. But Zeus only stayed there for about 10 minutes, and he got out...in a way I won't say. (ask me how someone who went through THAT got to rule the cosmos!). Ya know, now that I think of it, I don't know if Cronus really knew Zeus had escaped. Mom knew. Did Dad know, HA! I got no idea. Anyway, along comes Posidon, and he gets yum, yum, chomp, chomp, swallowed. Few centures pass and, BADDA BING, Hades is born!

*sighs, glances at Pain and Panic, who are hastily writing all this down*

Hades *turning orange*-- What are you two yutzes doing?!?!

Pain-- We're analyzing you, boss.....trying to see if there's something in your past that causes you to be like this in the present!

Hades-- Keep doing that, and soon you'll be analyzing why yer out of a job!

*both yelp and drop notepads in front of Hades, who sets them on fire.*

Hades-- ANYWAY....

Panic-- We're listening, Your Flamefulness....

Pain-- We can't wait to hear about yer heroic escape from your fathers stomach!

Hades *raising an eyebrow*-- ........um....Escape?

Panic and Pain-- YOU DIDN'T ESCAPE?!?!?!

Hades *flaring up*-- No I didn't.....why dontcha say it a little louder.....I don't think they heard you in &^*^%$^ ANTARCTICA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pain*cowering*-- We're sorry, boss!

Panic *also cowering*-- We're sorry! We just assumed that you would.....escape.....

Hades-- No. I didn't escape. Now, moving on.....

Pain-- Didn't? Or couldn't?

Hades *extremely mad now, not liking talking 'bout this*-- Couldn't.....

Panic-- You couldn't escape?!? 'Cuz ya know, that's very different from didn't.....

Hades-- AAARRRGH! I COULDN'T ESCAPE, OK!?!? NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED.....I....COULDN'T.....ESCAPE!!!!!!

*sees Pain and Panic staring at him*

Panic-- That's good, boss, very good!

Hades-- I can't BELIEVE I just said that.....and in front of my minions!

Pain *goes to console him*-- It's ok, boss, it's ok....

Hades-- TOUCH ME AND YOU FRY.....

[Deleted]

This was pretty funny.

[hadesxspongebob]

why thank you....there is more. i will post it when i get a chance.

[sereneflower]

great!! really funny!! can't wait to read more!!

[simba]

I like it vvery much! Poor Hades

[Megara15]

Very cool, very funny! Nice work!

[hadesxspongebob]

ok, heres some more!


Panic-- So, Hades, sir, um, what happened after you got....swallowed?

Hades-- Well.......I stayed there......for a long time! Oy vey! Don't you two know ANYTHING!?!?

Pain-- ........No.

Hades *sighs*-- Ah.

Pain-- ANYWAY......how did you and Posidon get out?

Hades-- Nice try, pal, no way I'm tellin' you THAT.

Panic-- Why?

Hades-- None of yer business!

Panic-- Pretty please? With.....with.....worms....and....whatever else you like on top?

Hades-- Kindly shut up and go away.

Pain and Panic-- Oh plese! Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepl-

Hades-- ZEUS! ZEUS RESCUED US! OK? OK, IMPS, HAPPY NOW!?!?!?

Panic-- Zeus?!?!

Pain-- I thought you hated him!

Hades *slowly going on fire*-- I...........do........hate......him.....

Pain-- Ok.....um....so how'd Zeus rescue you?

Hades-- Must we talk about this?!?!? Oh, all right.......he gave him rotten nectar........and Dad puked.

Panic *glancing at Pain*-- Well.....that's....that's disgusting.

Hades-- Isn't it?

Pain-- So....what happened after that?

Hades-- Big Brother Zeus came, and banished Dad to Tartarus.....then he decided we needed to figure out who would rule the cosmos. Now, all the other gods and goddesses had shown up...'cept for some of the newer ones......Persephone.....Iris......Melinoe......Macaria.....

Pain-- Macaria? Whos that?

Hades *bursting into flames*-- Who's that?!?!?!?

Panic *to Pain*-- How do you not know who Macaria is?!?!

Pain-- Who is she??

Hades-- MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!

Pain *small voice*-- Oh yeah....

Hades-- ANYWAY..... so me, Zeus, and Posidon held an election......they all chose Zeus for CEO of the Gods.....Posiodn God of the Seas(he was always a fishy person) and they couldn't decide where ta put me. So the wonderful Zeus goes, "Hey! Hades is all gloomy and dark.....why not put him in the Underworld! He'd love that!" Naturally, everyone else agreed with him, and boom! Now I'm stuck for eternity in the Underworld.

[simba]

yay, update! =D
Funny, I still feel bad for Hades, poor fella

[hadesxspongebob]

(here we go again!)

Panic-- So....now we know.....about.....well, how you got here. But what happened during you got here?

Hades-- What?!?

Pain-- Er......Persephone. Tell us about Persephone.

Hades-- Well, um, you were there.....you know all about it.

Panic *gesturing towards readers*-- Yeah, but they don't.

Hades-- So tell 'em.

Pain-- You do it. She's your wife....

Hades-- But-- oh, alright.....ya know, you two really have a knack for driving me crazy.

*pause*

Panic-- Where did you first see her?

Hades-- When Hercules was born. At his whole celebration thing. Ya know, when he nearly snapped my finger off?

Pain-- And?

Hades-- And I didn't really pay much attention.....ya know, she was young. Very very very very VERY pretty......but also very young. Ya know, ten in human years?

Panic-- And when did you see her again?

Hades-- What is this, 20 Questions? i saw her again in this field. Ya know, spying on random people from Down Under? And then SHE comes along.....I nearly fell over.....

Pain-- Meaning?

Hades-- Meaning I thought she was HOT with a capital H.....and a capital O......and a capital T!

Panic-- So.....?

Hades-- SO I ran home, and guess who showed up? The Fates......tellin' me that I'd win her heart, yada yada. AND......that I was in love.

Panic-- Ah.....so sweet......

Hades *ignoring Panic*-- So of course, I came up with a plan.

Pain-- And what did you do?

Hades *shrug and evil smile*-- I kidnapped her.

Panic-- Ah-- do ya think MAYBE ya could have handled that.....better?

Hades-- No.

Pain-- I see......so, um, then what happened?

Hades-- She hated my guts for about half the time she was down under........and then, boom! Breakthrough!

Panic-- And what happened?

Hades-- She heard me telling you two that I loved her......and realized she felt the same-- at least that's what she told me.

Pain-- No, she did love you. She told us.

Hades-- She told you that?!?! Jeez! Why don't people ever tell me these things?!

Panic-- So she fell in love......first kiss.....ok.....um.....so up on Earth, Demeter (Persephone's mom) was flipping out. She didn't know what had happened to her precious daughter.

Hades-- And she sent Hermes all over the planet looking for us.....he finally thought to look in the Underworld and forced Persephone back up.

Pain-- And you were heartbroken.....

Hades-- Ahem....not in public please.

Pain-- Right.....

Hades-- She went to her mom and told her....about me.....about US.....

Panic-- And she went bezerk.

Hades *shrugging*-- Ah,well, she never liked me very much....

Panic-- Demeter swore that nothing would grow on Earth as long as Persephone was with you......

Hades-- So I popped up and we went to Zeus (who couldn't believe anyone had fallen in love with ME) and established a deal. We found out that Persephone had eaten six pomegrante seeds......meaning that now for half of the year, she could live in the Underworld with me! That half of the year.....is winter and fall. When's she's upstairs? That's spring and summer.

Pain-- And you two got married.

Hades-- Yes..... and would you believe almost no one came to the wedding?!? Of course.....that could have been because it was in the Underworld.....but.....


( ;D )

[simba]

aww sweeeeet! ^.^ (squeely Helen-voice)Why can't disney make a sequel about Hades and Persephone

[hadesxspongebob]

my thoughts exactly....i really really really REALLY want them 2.